Why?

I sit here and wonder why, why am I going through this, why can't I catch a break, why am I who I am? I still can't answer, these question. Am I suppose to be able to answer these question? I seek the truth, can I handle the truth?

  These are nagging questions running through my mind, all the time. It's crazy, that I think I only ask those, when I am down and out. Why is it so easy, to inquire and judge God now. I have been up and I have been down. Why, does the weight seem too heavy, to bear, then?  Then, I start failing test, and I put myself in debt and bury myself deeper in a hole. I always get back up, so why do I stress so much.
  To answer some of my own uncertainties, which is my own uncertainties, and not God's. As, long as I allow myself, to stay stuck in my rut; the longer I miss out on life; allow myself to stay in the ditch, that I so desperately want out of. So, I am the problem. I have the decision, the choose, the power to change it. That's where it gets tricky, it's hard to get up and moving. That's an excuse, because people do it. That's where the trust and faith in God comes in.
  I have to put that effort in, not giving up, finding ways around or over the obstacles. If I don't have money, then look for a job close, nowadays, there's a few ways to make money. Plasma centers, craigslist, just to put in the effort in and it not go fast enough, or how you planned, then adjust it, tweak it, find a solution, instead of complaining and whining; that's not helping me.
  So, just remember, it's not easy, but you can do it. Remember the rain wont last forever; dance in the storm, then enjoy the sun. God never gives you more than you can handle. So, instead of asking why, ask HOW? How can I change it??????